Self-Esteem Starts At An Early Age
Philip Larkin once memorably said ‘they mess you up, your mum and dad ‘or words to that effect. (There may be children reading this or mums or somebody with a low pain threshold.) I think what he meant was that your mum and dad, or for that matter, anyone that you look up to and respect, either through fear or through coincident really matter, can reinforce the habit of low self-esteem by the simple expedient of not
congratulating you on your successes, but rather, focusing on the failures.
I got an O level in life, got a ‘C’. Took it a year early because I was good at it, and it springboarded off into o-levels, A-levels, and university. At this point my self-esteem was high and I was ready for anything that came my way.
Why didn’t I get a ‘B or even an ‘A’? was the question.
So, already established, instead of congratulating me on a job well done, and feeling proud of my achievement, I began to question its validity. Guess what? how I felt about myself dropped, and so did my self-esteem.
Later, I got my degree a quite respectable 2:2, in my opinion.
Why didn’t I get a 2:1, or even a first?
Even later in life, in sales, my sales figures were questioned in public. I mentioned that I was 10% over budget, the only sales person at that point in time to be in this exalted position.
That wasn’t good enough.
Now looking at it coldly, that is a fair old success rate: did well enough academically to gain a degree, could put BA(Hons)after my name and everything.
Went on to do well, for a decade or so anyway, in sales.
On both occasions external influences made me question my success. The perception of people I respected was this: I could have done so much better.
And therein lies the rub. You are a failure.
There are two things you can do about this: you can accept you are a failure because you have taken a decision to believe what others have said about you, despite the evidence to the contrary. If you do this, what do you think happens to your self-esteem, or motivation. How does this impact on your outlook on life? How progressive do you think the disease of the belief in your own failure can become?
Look around, the evidence is clear.
Lack of self-esteem leads to lack of self-belief leads to actual failure.
I said there were two things you can do about that, here is the other:
2A (ok cheating a bit here) just do not believe people. Have your own agenda and relish what you consider are your victories.
2B) Take remedial action now. Look into how dynamic therapies such as hypnotism and NLP can eliminate the feelings you have had ingrained in you that you are a failure.
And be the success that YOU know you really are.